Dems might just get mired in their over-credentialed blog

Filed under: Hazlehurst |

The Democratic National Convention!! Coming to Denver in August!! Aren’t we excited?
Not I.
I’m certainly glad that it’s not in Colorado Springs, and I feel sorry for friends and relatives in Denver. They’ll have dubious privilege of being part of a bizarre, inconvenient and largely meaningless spectacle.
The reporters, gawkers, political fixers and professional protesters will outnumber the delegates by at least 3 to 1. Most of the local media will be banished to sweltering tents pitched well away from the Pepsi Center.
The Pepsi Center itself will cater to big media, plus the chosen lapdogs of the Democratic Party.
In a recent news release, the Democratic National Convention Committee congratulated itself for issuing floor credentials to 120 blogs, making sure that every state and territory was represented by its very own home-grown blogger.
Looking at the list, (which can be viewed at www.DemConvention.com/credentialed-blogs.) it’s clear that one criterion governed every selection: political orientation.
That means liberal.
Not moderate, not non-partisan, not thoughtfully left-wing, but Liberal with a capital “L”. We’re talking Bush-impeaching, tax-raising, medicine-socializing, McCain-disdaining, gun-confiscating, gay-marrying, Darwin-loving, porno-collecting, Prius-driving, mouth-foaming, pig-biting mad Lib’ruls!!
You can’t blame the Dems, I guess. They’ve gazed enviously at the Bush White House, which for years looked upon the press as one might look upon a flock of tame ducks, conditioned to waddle to their masters and quack happily as they feast on crusts of stale bread.
The Dems have gotta figure it’s their turn now, so why not train their very own quackers?
Give ’em floor credentials, impress them with celebrities (“Blogger Jimmy, let me introduce you to Ronald Skank, the third-ranking Democrat on the House fish farming subcommittee!”), and pretty soon you’ll have your very own amen chorus.
As one, they’ll shower Barack Obama with fulsome praise (Obama! — better than Lincoln, or merely equal?), solemnly repeat the most absurd claims put forth during the convention (National health care at no cost? Absolutely, and the government will even pay you $25 an hour to fill out the forms!) and help usher in all the good things that the Obama administration will accomplish.
We’ll see an Arab-Israeli peace treaty, an end to global warming, immediate withdrawal from a prosperous, democratic Iraq, oil at $10 a barrel, Hillary Clinton on the Supreme Court, the capture of Osama bin Laden … and that’s just during the first 100 days.
Too bad, donksters, but it won’t work that way.
Bloggers by nature are nasty, treacherous and beholden to no one. They’ve succeeded as bloggers because they’re good at skewering the powerful with nasty little screeds. They’re not the successors of Edward R. Murrow, upholding the proudest traditions of journalism during a dark and compromised era.
In the age of Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse and Ashley Dupree, political bloggers are a slightly less skanky subset of English celebrity journalism — smart, irreverent, funny, bitchy — and definitely not interested in promoting the party line.
Which blogger will emerge as the convention’s star, with soaring page views and national buzz? Will it be one filled with sober, well-informed political analysis — or one who asks his or her readers to decide who among prominent women at the convention has the worst cankles?
Dunno — but I, for one, will be watching this one on TV. The DNCC declined to provide media credentials to the Business Journal, even though we would have been representing all 33 publications owned by our parent company, Dolan Media.
I’d guess that the word “business” was a red flag to the ruthless partisans at DNCC, not to mention “Colorado Springs.” What kind of Democratic lovefest would it be, if marred by the presence of wild-eyed, right-wing crazies from the Springs?
But give us some respect, you Democrat commie fellow-travelers! On Dec. 29, 2006, this column predicted that Obama would run and be nominated.
Pretty smart, right?
Wrong!
That’s because, on that very day, you could have bought an “Obama” on any of the English political betting sites for less than 10 bucks. Clintons were selling for nearly $60, Edwards was around $20 and even Gore was more than $10. Today, they’re all worthless — except Obamas, which you can cash in at $100. So if I’d believed my own words, I would’ve bought a fistful of Obamas, cashed ’em in last week and I’d be happily anticipating the August convention.
I’d be spending those hot, dreary days in … let’s see, had I bought 1,000 Obamas I’d have an extra 90 grand — so that’d cover a month’s rental in Crested Butte and a Porsche to get me there.
I wonder what the 2012 Hillarys are selling for ….
John Hazlehurst can be reached at John.Hazlehurst@csbj.com or 227-5861.