Forget about scarlet letters, beware of manila envelopes

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Sometimes, the most seemingly innocuous things can cause quite a buzz in the workplace.

Take for example the manila envelope which arrived at 31 E. Platte Ave., Suite 300 on Monday. At first glance, just another letter among the stack of mail which we receive every day. But there was something just a bit out of the ordinary that created a ripple of interest.

The envelope was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Mike Boyd.

Nothing truly scandalous there — aside from the fact that I’m fairly certain I haven’t been married since the early years of the Clinton administration.

However, it was enough to cause a buzz around the office. Seems my co-workers believe that I’m not above a quickie weekend wedding — or concealing the fact that sometime in the not-too-distant past I made the great mistake yet again and simply refuse to admit my indiscretion to the outside world.

For the record, as stated earlier, I’m fairly certain that I’m not married.

But back to the envelope.

It seems a friend of mine is turning 50 next February and his wife is throwing him a party.

Another seemingly innocuous thing.

However, as you’ve no doubt divined by now, nothing about this tiny manila envelope was innocuous.

The party is going to be at their vineyard — in New Zealand. (If memory serves me correctly, that’s the little country off the western coast of Australia — which somehow managed to end the longest winning streak in the history of sports during 1983, but that’s another story for another innocuous time.)

Unfortunately, despite the fact that I’m sure the party is going to be absolutely fabulous, I’m not going to be able to attend — and I’m fairly certain that Mrs. Boyd won’t be able to either.

Now, technically, I guess I could get married in the not-too-distant future, but let’s be honest: Given my track record when it comes to relationships, there’s a fairly good chance that it wouldn’t last until the party and nobody — even a good friend — wants a smack-dab-in-the-middle-of-a-nasty-divorce couple showing up at a 50th birthday celebration. And I’m also fairly certain that I wouldn’t want to be trapped inside a long, aluminum tube, high above the ocean, for countless hours, with yet another soon to be ex-Mrs. Boyd.

Also, technically, I don’t have a passport, so I don’t think I’m allowed to leave the country — unless I’m returning to Texas.

Which means that all the trouble my friend’s wife went to recommending airlines and lodging is going to be for naught — at least in my case.

But part of me is a bit envious of the happily married couples who will be attending. The VIP guest list, which was included along with the invitation, was quite impressive. (Thankfully, I don’t come anywhere close to rating as a VIP, so it won’t be a disappointment to anyone attending when I’m not there with my blushing/fuming bride.)

So, I’ll RSVP that I’m unable to attend — and hopefully they’ll realize that means the Mrs. as well — and I’ll wish my friend a hearty happy 50th birthday next time I bump into him somewhere that I don’t need a visa to hang out.

And I’ll keep my fingers crossed that his wife simply made a typographical error when addressing the envelope — and isn’t privy to some type of inside information of which I should be acutely aware.

After all, it was just an innocuous manila envelope.

Mike Boyd is editor of the Colorado Springs Business Journal. He can be reached at Mike.Boyd@csbj.com or 329-5206.