What Bach will say, and what he’ll be thinking

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Which Colorado Springs mayor should history hold responsible for the tradition of annual “State of the City” speeches? “De mortuis nihil nisi bonum” — of the dead speak only good, so let’s leave it alone.

Suffice it to say that our dreary ritual, pretentiously borrowed from the president’s constitutionally mandated State of the Union speech, ought to be on everybody’s “do not attend” list.

Here’s what will happen Aug. 1 at The Broadmoor.

Hundreds of folks from the business/political/nonprofit/media communities will show up at Broadmoor Hall and spend a few worthwhile minutes busily networking. Then they’ll sit down, suffer through a video or two, listen while event sponsors are identified, elected officials and miscellaneous big shots are introduced, eat mediocre food, engage in desultory conversation with their tablemates, and finally … the big event!

What will the Mayor say? Let me summarize.

“It’s a time of revival, recovery, and dynamic change. Mountain Shadows is rebuilding and the brave folks of the Black Forest have begun the healing process. We’re moving ahead with stormwater mitigation, restoring the burn scar and putting the city on a sound fiscal basis.

“The economy continues to improve, the military sector remains vibrant, and we are positioning ourselves for future prosperity. Next year, we should be breaking ground for an Olympic museum, a downtown stadium, a world-class sports medicine facility at UCCS and a sparkling new Air Force Academy visitors center. This great leap forward comes from a dynamic partnership between city and state government and leaders in business, education, military, nonprofits and the Olympic community.

“Your city government, once directionless and floundering, is now able to move quickly and decisively. The media loves to exaggerate issues that my administration may have with City Council, and I don’t blame them — that’s their job. But in the real world, we’re working together to forge a bright new future for our beautiful city, and I want to thank every one of you for your part in this exciting transformation.”

We seldom say exactly what we’re thinking. If Mayor Bach has an arrière-pensée or two as he recites his speech, maybe they’d sound like this:

“Thank God for Phil Anschutz! He’s on board with everything we’re doing. But Council had better wake up, smell the roses, and close that damned road through The Broadmoor golf course. Pretty funny, actually — Keith King rakes in the bucks from The Broadmoor, and now The Broadmoor’s fighting the people who voted for him. It’s all good — Bartolin and Anschutz know it’s up to King, so he’s in a nice little trap!

“And what is this ‘strong Council’ stuff King keeps spouting? The voters wanted a strong mayor and a cooperative Council. And now I have to deal with retired colonels, Senate-President-who-never-was King, a couple of liberal holdovers and Jill Gaebler. I thought things couldn’t get any worse when we had Scott Hente, Brandy Williams and Lisa Czelatdko — how wrong I was.

“But let me tell you something, these Regional Tourism Act projects would have gone nowhere if Council had been involved. We did it just right — got together a handful of smart, powerful people who know how to get things done, and put the deal together. If we’d bothered with some drawn-out public process, we would have gotten nowhere. I know, I know, you want young people, diversity, public involvement and buy-in. That’s fine, but this is a real estate deal, folks! I’ve done hundreds of them, so just shut up and let me do my job.

“Of course, I’ve got to pretend to listen to everybody, so we’ll put together an advisory committee to give us advice to ignore. We’ll make sure that there’s a sensible majority on the committee — no kooks, no naysayers, no ex-politicians.

“And let me tell you, I’m proud of myself. Bob Isaac couldn’t have pulled this off, and as for Makepeace or Rivera — forget it! When you work with Dick Celeste, Pam Shockley, Bill Hybl, Scott Blackmun, Steve Bartolin and Phil Anschutz, you’re playing in the bigs. Power, money, talent, smarts — that’s what it takes. I may be 70 years old, but I can still kick butt. Too bad I’m not 40 — Anschutz would be begging me to take over AEG and put together an NFL franchise in Los Angeles.

“In conclusion, we’re doing this deal. Want to try to stop me? As President Bush once said, bring it on! You may not like it, but I’m the man.”

3 Responses to What Bach will say, and what he’ll be thinking

  1. That was a great commentary! We have the wrong people as leaders in Colorado Springs. Mr. Phil is going to wait 4 to 5 year for his revival projects. And our Mayor, what can I possibly say!

    It’s almost comical, wait a minute it IS COMICAL!

    Gerry Murphy

    Gerry Murphy
    August 1, 2013 at 4:27 pm

  2. Detroit was one of the premier cities of the United States.
    As you know, Detroit went bankrupt last week.
    A few reminders:
    Detroit has a Major League Baseball team and stadium.
    Detroit has a premier Convention Center.
    If Steve Bach really wants to improve downtown Colorado Springs, he must begin to understand the problem.
    A baseball team and a convention center won’t solve the problem. They actually lead to bankruptcy.

    #1. improve all transportation access points (roads) to downtown. Extend Cascade Ave, both north and south, to connect on the south leg to Lake Avenue and Highway 115. On the north leg — it MUST get to I25.
    #2. Extend Pikes Peak Ave thru the soon to be bankrupt Chase Stone Center — across Fountain Creek and connect to Pikes Peak Ave and the westside.
    #3. When Sears Roebuck left downtown, they said modern retail locations MUST provide free parking. They were NOT kidding. The genius planners downtown still don’t get it. It’s been 60 years. You would think downtown planners would get it. They don’t. No free parking. No hope.

    August 2, 2013 at 2:33 am

  3. Hazelhurst,
    arent you tired being the bitter, voted out past Council member who couldn’t get himself re-elected, wishes he was part of the good old boys network, taking the bone of the Indy in getting some words published? Like you, these men are delusional if they think they can railroad the people of Colorado Springs into doing what they want and paying for their sick attempt at leaving some sad legacy behind them. All the bad brown hair dye in the world wont cover up Mayor Bach being old and going senile.

    Dale Heeven Jr.
    August 4, 2013 at 5:20 pm