Headline on the Gazette’s Web site this morning:

“Tax hikes signed by Ritter.”

Headline on the Denver Post Web site this morning:

“Ritter signs bills to end tax breaks, help balance budget.”

Are we looking at bias here? The Gazette trends right, the Post trends left. Do the headlines mirror the editorial positions of the newspapers?

I doubt it. Both headlines are factual and defensible, if not absolutely even-handed. And ideology has little to do with the craft of headline writing. If you think it’s hard to write a pithy tweet, or to compose a graceful haiku, try summarizing an 800-word story in five to nine words. It’s a delightful craft, one which can only be mastered by long practice. “Hicks nix stix flix” and “Headless body in topless bar” - two examples of reality providing an occasion for genius to meet inspiration.

But for folks who believe that daily newspaper coverage is driven by political agendas, grudge-settling and hidden biases, there’s always evidence of slanted coverage - just as there’s abundant evidence that Denver International Airport is the site of a vast, hidden secret guv’mint project, complete with subterranean tunnels to Cheyenne Mountain.

But it does appear that the Gazette has in fact launched a secret project aimed at uncovering the shenanigans of certain powerful folks in our community.

A couple of months ago, the G assigned a new reporter to cover the County Commission and, it appears, to report upon the antics of a certain Douglas Bruce.

Eileen Welsome has the kind of unthreatening persona that is so valuable to an investigative reporter. She’s quiet, persistent and unrelenting. She’s already written some great pieces about the county, and has so annoyed the commissioners that Gazette editor Jeff Thomas has had to endure a meeting with at least one indignant elected official.

But it seems that neither the Dougster nor our eminent elected officials have bothered to Google Welsome. One commissioner characterized her as “not understanding anything,” and ”asking lots of ignorant questions,” and “filing all these CORA (Colorado Open Records Act) requests.”

But maybe she understands more than the commissioners give her credit for - and maybe her employer is expecting great things from her.

A few years back, Welsome won the Pulitzer Prize for national reporting while working as a reporter for the Albuquerque Tribune. The series of stories covered the experience of Americans who were unknowingly research subjects of government radiation experiments, according to the Pulitzer Prize Web site.

To find that the “G” has hired Welsome as a beat reporter is a little surprising. It’s as unlikely as seeing Jeff Beck lay down riffs with the local boys at Southside Johnny’s … but maybe it’s just a sign of the times.

After all, if the music business were as problematic as the newspaper industry, our local garage band would be fronting Clapton, not Beck.

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 25th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: Bill Ritter, Denver Post, Eileen Welsome, Gazette, Jeff beck, Jeff Thomas, Pulitzer prize

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“It’s like a Fellini movie!” said a delighted caller yesterday evening.

I knew what he was talking about  - like me, he was taking a break from the Olympics to watch our intrepid city council members, as they wrestled feebly with issues so bizarre, so unseemly and so surreal that they seemed not just Fellini-esque, but otherworldly.

The once-stately, now tastelessly renovated council chambers, where generations of elected officials have done their best to solve the mundane problems of a small city in the West, are now no more than a stage set, where players in our own theater of the absurd strut their stuff.

SNL and Second City never had such a cast! Samuel Beckett never imagined goings-on so strange!

Shakespeare did.

“… Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”

The always good-humored Daniel Chacon from the Gazette was there, doomed to cover the meeting from start to finish.

I wondered what the sainted Mayor Bob Isaac would have made of such goings on. Marijuana dispensaries? Vast tent cities of the homeless? Douglas Bruce ranting incoherently for 50 minutes? Councilmembers hurling insults at each other? Sean Paige and Larry Small squaring off, ready to settle things outside (or so it seemed)?

Maybe it’s just as well that Mayor Bob didn’t live to see this doleful day. He would have been justifiably appalled.

Here are few suggestions for Council:

1. Limit speeches from the public to three minutes. Limit your own remarks from the podium to two minutes.

2. End meetings after four hours, and continue them the next day if necessary. These marathon sessions are not the pure expression of the democratic ideal, but perverse and eccentric, serving only a few bloviators on and off the podium.

3. Stop conducting, enabling and participating in such travesties. Don’t pretend that you’re innocent bystanders - your own learned helplessness has enabled the process.

4. Sean, don’t mess with Larry. He was a Golden Gloves boxer - he could probably still do some serious damage, if he got overly peeved.

If you were a band, you’d be booed off the stage. Take a hint from your crosstown rivals  - let’s call ‘em Denny & the Commissioners. They quietly dealt with the whole marijuana question in three days, without drama, without public fights between commissioners, without dragging John Suthers into the process, and without fanning public hysteria.

Yup, it’s a pretty tight group, even if, like Fleetwood Mac, there may be tensions between band members. Denny H. on drums, Wayne W. on bass, Jimmy B. on lead guitar, Sallie the lead vocalist, and Amy content (for now!) to sing backup vocals. They do a nice clean gig, and they know what audiences want … and that’s all you need from a local garage band.

And you guys? They made a movie about you - it’s called “This is Spinal Tap.” Check it out - aging, irrelevant, delusional metalheads who still think the world is waiting for them to lay down power chords. I can hardly wait for your upcoming world tour.

I’d be there, of course - but I got kicked out of the band years ago.

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 24th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: Bob Isaac, City Council, county commission, Daniel Chacon, Douglas Bruce, Fellini, Fleetwood Mac, homeless tent cities, John Suthers, larry Small, Marijuana, Samuel Beckett, Sean Paige, Second City, Shakespeare

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The Colorado Fiscal Policy Institute issued a pair of interesting papers Tuesday, detailing the economic impact of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, otherwise known as “the stimulus.”

Whether you think that ARRA is a perfect example of a spendthrift government run amok, or a rational federal response to the greatest economic crisis since the 1930s, one thing seems clear.

Like it or not, ARRA has a substantial and easily quantified impact. At least 33,000 Coloradans are still employed, thanks to the stimulus, and many more have received tangible benefits. Not sure about the estimate (see below) of 3,834,776 though - my arithmetic says 3,834, 771.

More seriously, such outlandish precision is highly suspect, and tempts one to believe that the rest of the figures may be equally bogus. But even if the numbers are off by 50 or 60 percent, ARRA has made a difference.

As an impecunious geezer/journalist, I was delighted to get a check for $250 as a reward for geezerdom. And rather than save the money, I thought it my patriotic duty to stimulate the economy, particularly that segment represented by my favorite bar/restaurant in Old Colorado City.

Here are a few stats:

At least 33,000 jobs retained or created, including:

• 13,173 through the Department of Transportation

• 3,397 at colleges and universities

• 1,699 in corrections

• 462 in K-12 education

• 421 in weatherization

• 313 at arts organizations

• 281 in science and research

• 250 for water infrastructure improvement

• 71 in law enforcement

Coloradans directly helped: 3,834,776:

• 1.8 million families, Making Work Pay tax credit

• 500,000 one-time $250 Social Security payments

• 463,000 people have had the severity of poverty reduced

• 371,389 people received 13.6 percent increase in food stamps

• 357,767 people received job search assistance

• 306,906 people received extra emergency food assistance

• 196,776 laid-off workers received increased unemployment benefits

• 157,666 homes benefited from upgraded wastewater systems

• 71,904 homes benefited from upgraded drinking-water systems

• 70,000 people lifted above the poverty line

• 52,000 people received increased Pell Grants for college tuition

• 7,000 low-income seniors received extra meals

• 1,929 people received job training

• 1,500 homes were weatherized.

The complete reports are available at http://www.cclponline.org/pubfiles/arra%20state%20budget%20feb16%20final.pdf

http://www.cclponline.org/pubfiles/arra%20fact%20sheet%20final.pdf.

Let’s see-I think I fall into at least three separate categories. I got the $250, which I used for extra meals (including extra glasses of wine), and I had the severity of my poverty reduced. See what a difference $250 makes? And if you think that’s nothing, just send me a check for any amount up to $250. I promise to stimulate the economy, starting tonight at 6 p.m.

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 18th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: ARRA, Colorado Fiscal Policy Institute, jobs, Old Colorado City

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Let’s see - if residents of Boulder are the happiest folks in America, and residents of Colorado Springs are just a little less cheerful, coming in 37th, what does that mean? I’ll tell you: Absolutely nothing.

These made-up “best place” rankings, which local boosters often point to with such pride, are utter fabrications, invented to boost readership of whatever pub is pushing them.

Let’s say that you own a magazine called “Iguana Fancier,” featuring all things iguana. You note that you’re not getting the circulation that you’d like to see in the Pacific Northwest, although research tells you that the north woods are full of iguana-lovers, who’d love to be part of the “Iguana Fancier” community.
So you run your story: Best cities for iguanas! Seattle at #1, Portland at #2, Boise at #3, Tacoma #4, etc., etc. You get lots of great iguana ink, your circ explodes, iguana lovers find each other, and learn how to care for their beloved lizards for the very small, very insignificant price of a subscription to “Iguana Fancier.”

So, in an effort to boost the circulation of the world’s best business publication, headquartered right here in Colorado Springs, here are the unofficial CSBJ rankings of Colorado Springs in a few as yet unpublicized categories.
1. Best view of Pikes Peak: Colorado Springs! You can scarcely see it from Pueblo or Denver, and it’s invisible from most of Manitou.
2. Most dysfunctional local elected body: Marbella, Spain (last three mayors in jail for corruption!). Colorado Springs isn’t even in the top 100, without a single jailed/indicted elected official - although Tom Gallagher gets points for having a garage that used to be a crack house.

3. Best city park with giant red rocks: We get #1 for the Garden of the Gods, and #3 for Red Rocks open space. Denver gets #2 for its Red Rocks.
4. Site of worst-ever major rock concert: Colorado Springs, The Who, April 9, 2020. Both Roger Daltrey and Pete Townsend expire on stage, and promoter Aaron Retka refuses to refund ticketholders.
5. Best train service: Colorado Springs, with 21 coal trains passing through town every day, not to mention scheduled passenger service to the top of Pikes Peak!
6. Easiest airport parking, top 100 Standard Metropolitan Statistical Areas: Colorado Springs!

7. Fewest direct flights, top 100 SMSA’s: #1 Santa Fe (airport closed), #9 Colorado Springs.

8. Most articulate and combative blogger/councilmember, online division: #1 Sean Paige, Colorado Springs!
9. Most drunken 20-somethings in central downtown area, Saturday night division: #1 Colorado Springs, #2 Austin, #3 Boulder, #4 Denver (LoDo only), #5 Santa Monica.
10. City most unfairly reviled by national left-wing media: Colorado Springs!
10a City most unfairly reviled by national right-wing media: Boulder!

11. Most effective right-wing taxophobe: The Dougster (who else?)

12. Looniest elected official, ancient history division: #1 Betty Beedy (remember “normal white Americans”?), #2 Charlie Duke, #3 Cheryl Gillaspie, #4 The Dougster, #5 Mark Sanford, #6 John Edwards … actually we should just expand the list to about 500 names, all of whom would be tied for #1.

13.Greenest city: #1 Colorado Springs - the only city in America to save money and reduce carbon emissions by turning off one-third of the city’s streetlights.

You may think that these rankings are frivolous, biased and inaccurate. Yes they are! But the metrics are impeccable - just ask my iguana.

<- Back to csbj.com

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 17th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: Aaron Retka, Austin, Betty Beedy, Boise, Boulder, carbon emissions, Charlie Duke, Colorado Springs, crack, Denver, Garden of the Gods, Iguanas, John Edwards, left wing media, Marbella, Mark Sanford, Pikes Peak, Portland, right-wing media, Roger Daltrey. Pete Townsend, Santa Monica, Sean Paige, Seattle, Tacoma, The Dougster, The Who, Tom Gallagher

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In response to pressure from Mayor Lionel Rivera and councilmember Darryl Glenn, real estate broker/announced mayoral candidate Tim Leigh resigned from the Memorial Hospital Commission last Friday.

Here’s the text of Leigh’s resignation letter to Council.

“Dear Mr. Mayor and council members,

I took 2 phone calls on Friday; one from Mayor Rivera and one from Councilman Glenn.  Both men suggested I consider resigning from the Memorial Hospital Commission.

We discussed the important work that the commission is tasked with; and that there can be “no hint” of a conflict of interest.

While it’s true that my wife works as a part-time employee at the hospital (she’s an RN in the NICU who has held that position for nearly 30 years), her employment would have no bearing on my ability actively participate without any bias on the commission.  Frankly, I have more integrity than the inference.

Nonetheless, I respectfully withdraw from membership on the commission so the commission may proceed without any appearance of taint.”

Not to put too fine a point on it, Leigh got rolled. This is the kind of political cut and thrust that’s a routine part of the game.

Here’s how it works: you invent an imagined “conflict of interest,” demand that the person with the conflict resign immediately from whatever position he occupies, sit back and enjoy the fuss. You can’t lose - the poor sap that you’ve accused can either resign, thereby acknowledging either his guilt or his cloddish ignorance of the conflict, or he can soldier on, and watch the media blow it up. And we’re glad to do the dirty work, because nothing pleases our readers more than politicians in trouble.

So let’s look at the alleged conflict.

It’s hard to imagine that the Memorial Commission would recommend any steps that would result in the wholesale dismissal of RNs in the ICU. There’s an acute national shortage of folks with the qualifications to hold such positions, and I’d bet that Leigh’s spouse is routinely recruited by other employers.

I agree that disclosure is appropriate, and I also agree that Leigh may have pre-existing opinions about Memorial that are influenced by his spouse’s employment - but so what? The commission is merely advisory - Council, Memorial’s board and city voters are the decision makers.

In fact, conflicts are frequent and unremarkable among councilmembers and members of council-appointed advisory boards. Darryl Glenn and Randy Purvis are lawyers, Scott Hente is a developer, Jan Martin has a consulting business, and so on. They deal with conflicts by disclosing them and, if the conflict is sufficiently acute, recusing themselves from considering particular issues.

Years ago, then-councilmember Bill Guman was the target of a politically motivated complaint alleging that it was a conflict of interest for his commercial landscaping firm to bid on city projects. The complaint was without merit - individual councilmembers then served without compensation, and had no power to influence the award of city contracts. Nevertheless, Guman was tainted.

In the 30 years that I’ve been following, and participating in, local government, I can only recall one instance of blatant, undisclosed conflict of interest. That was Rivera’s undisclosed financial relationship with developer Ray Marshall, who was chosen to partner with the city in the ill-fated original USOC deal. Marshall has since been indicted by the district attorney on counts unrelated to his involvement with the USOC, and Rivera, although cleared of wrongdoing by the city’s ethics commission, is probably finished with electoral politics.

Rivera, caught between the demands of his job as a financial consultant at UBS and his position as the city’s mayor, managed to get himself in an impossible position. Leigh gracefully withdrew, and suffered little harm.

Tim, just consider this a warning shot across the bow. You’re playing in the big leagues now, and it looks like you just got brushed back with a high, inside fast ball. Dust yourself off, step back up to the plate, and now we’ll see if you can hit a spitter. …

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 15th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: Bill Guman, city ethics commission, conflict of interest, Darryl Glenn, Jan Martin, Mayor Rivera, Memorial Hospital, Memorial Hospital Commission, Randy Purvis, Scott hente, Tim Leigh

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As a kid, I rooted for the Dodgers - not the treacherous, transplanted L.A. Dodgers, but the real Dodgers, the Brooklyn Dodgers. And if you rooted for the star-crossed denizens of Ebbets Field, you also hated the Yankees. The Yankees were everything that the Dodgers weren’t - successful, organized, methodical, relentless, and inevitable. You knew they were going to win - so what was the point of rooting for them?

Rooting for the Yankees, it was said, was like rooting for U.S. Steel, then a sleek industrial titan, the signifier of America’s world economic dominance.

Steel production remains a useful metric, a quick snapshot of the health, diversity and power of a given country’s manufacturing prowess.

During 1900, the United States produced 37 percent of the world’s steel.

109 years later, the figures look a little different. Earlier this month, the World Steel Association estimated that world production during 2009 amounted to 1,199 million metric tons. China accounted for 47 percent of this total, or 563.5 million tons.

The United States produced 58.1 million tons, less than 5 percent of the world total.

It’s easy enough to manipulate statistics, but such figures tell a simple story.

Some things haven’t changed. The Yankees still dominate baseball - but now rooting for them is like rooting for … China?

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 12th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: Brooklyn Dodgers, China, Ebbets Field, steel manufacturing, U.S. Steel, world steel production, Yankees

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Colleen O’Connor reported this morning in the Denver Post that Herb Fenster, a prominent Boulder attorney, plans to sue the state over TABOR, claiming that the 1992 Douglas Bruce initiative, which extensively amended the Colorado Constitution is itself unconstitutional.

“His lawsuit,” O’Connor wrote,“ will argue that TABOR deprives the state legislature of its power to tax and made it “impotent, because the most important function of a legislature is to tax and spend.”

TABOR, he argues, violates Article IV Section 4 of the U.S. Constitution, which says the federal government must guarantee that states have a republican form of government, which he interprets as “a tripartite government, a legislative, executive and judicial branch.”

Under TABOR, the state legislature is unable to raise taxes. That power resides with the voters.

Fenster believes this constitutes a form of popular democracy, in which the population decides everything, not a representative democracy, in which the people are represented by a legislature that decides.

“If you want to vote on tax legislation, then send people to the legislature who are going to vote the way you want them to vote,” he said.

Fenster is one of those pesky, unpredictable, fearsomely smart people who are often despised by both political parties because they can’t be pinned down, demonized and dismissed. Is he a Rino (Republican in name only) or a Dino (Democrat ditto)?

Who knows? More to the point, does he have any chance of prevailing in court?

Probably not, since courts have historically deferred to the will of the voters (Bush v. Gore notwithstanding!). But it’s interesting to speculate how the Supreme Court might rule on such a case, if it ever reached that august and eccentric body.

The court includes in its membership at least four jurists (Roberts, Alito, Scalia, and Thomas) who hold, or pretend to hold, “originalist” views.

“Originalism” is a deceptively simple legal theory, which holds that the Constitution has a fixed, knowable, and invariable meaning, which was established at the time of its creation.

It seems clear that the Founders did not envision today’s unruly democracy. The right of initiative does not appear in the Constitution and is not listed as an “unalienable” right in the Declaration. Yet less than a century after the ratification of the Constitution, Colorado’s founding document guaranteed the right of initiative.

Strict originalism might suggest that the exercise of direct democracy via the process of initiative is of doubtful constitutionality. It’s clear, however, that no court in the land would dare strike down what voters in many western states regard as a fundamental right.

But are there limits to the rights of voters to tinker with the fundamental structure of government? Does TABOR violate those limits? It seems to me that Fenster has a pretty good argument - but I thought that Lindsay Fischer had a pretty good argument when he sued the city over its supposedly illegal uses of certificates of participation to fund the USOC deal. The court disagreed, and the deal went through.

But just suppose the Colorado Supreme Court agreed with Fenster? We’d have a delightful political/legal donnybrook on our hands. And if it made it to the Supreme Court, it’d be fun to watch the four most conservative justices wriggle and squirm, as they sought to find some justification for preserving TABOR. Is it an icon of the kind of limited government that the Founders sought to create? Or is it an example of the devolution direct democracy to mob rule, governance handed over to ignorant masses who are routinely deceived by demagogues of left and right?

Who knows? But if the Supremes were to issue a sweeping ruling empowering states to have whatever kind of government they might choose, we’d be on our way to fixing local government.

I can see it now - a simple proclamation from the mayor, altering our parochial city manager form of government to something a little more sophisticated - a kingdom!

King Lionel the first, Rex et Imperator! Ruling by decree, the king would establish a hereditary aristocracy, with dukes, earls, counts, lords, and a landed gentry. There’d be one catch - if you wanted a title, with the rights and privileges attendant thereto, you’d have to pay tribute. In fact, you’d have to pay tribute if you were the lowliest peasant. And if you didn’t pay, the king’s soldiers would come and squeeze it out of you. Taxes too low? The King would decree higher taxes! Taxpayers complaining? Off with their heads!

It’s simple, efficient and exactly what the Founders intended. Justice Scalia, read your Constitution!

Article 1, Section 9: No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince or foreign State.

That may seem simple, but that just applies to the states! We’re a home rule city, Mr. Justice Smartypants! We can do what we please! Just ask Douglas, Lord Bruce …

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 11th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: Antonin Scalia, Bush v. Gore, Clarence Thomas, Colorado Supreme Court, Denver Post, Douglas Bruce, Herb Fenster, John Roberts, Lindsay Fischer, Lionel rivera, Originalism, Samuel Alito, Tabor, the Constitution, United States Supreme Court

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There’s nothing better than a good, old-fashioned left/right bloodbath, especially when it involves our own fair city.

Lefty commentator David Sirota started the ball rolling with a bitingly snarky column in the Post, which also ran in the Gazette, characterizing Colorado Springs as “a shining example of what happens to a community when conservatives’ anti-tax policies are distilled into their most pure form …”

And if you think that’s a little mean, he was just getting started. He continues: “The next time you hear a conservative prattle on about how much he/she hates taxes and how the solution to all problems in America is to cut taxes, remember Colorado Springs. It is the anti-tax zealot’s nirvana - and it shows what America would look like if our politics continue to be dominated by the me-first, screw-everyone-else crowd and their tax-hating ways.”

Former Gazette editorial page editor, and present city councilmember Sean Paige promptly rose to the defense of our cruelly maligned, not-quite metropolis.

No doubt inspired by the absence of editorial constraints (“Paige, you have 800 words, and that’s it!”), Sean’s indignant piece in the Huffington Post ran on for nearly 1,900 words.

Characterizing the city’s current funding crisis as “a budget crunch…no different than (those currently experienced by) most American cities,” Paige claimed that the city is “…leagues ahead, in terms of livability and quality of life, of most places from which the ideological sniping comes.”

And Sirota? “Typical of the slams was this post by David Sirota in the Denver Huffington Post, which shows that he doesn’t know anything more about Colorado Springs than he knows about the Taxpayer’s Bill of Rights. Here’s Sirota, spewing stupid.”

After listing all of  the “best places” awards that the city has won, and taking aim at those pesky, ill-informed lib’ruls, Sean concludes by saying, “Maybe what really infuriates liberals about Colorado Springs is that it demonstrates that you can have a great American city without the need for a great big government running things; that you can keep taxes in check and still deliver an outstanding quality of life; that people here will step up to do for themselves, the things government can’t or shouldn’t be doing for them. This town remains a magnet for transplants because it keeps the American dream affordable and attainable, by actually putting America’s limited government ideals into practice. Take all the pot shots you want, liberals, but Colorado Springs will get through this fiscal crunch and emerge on the other side stronger and better than ever.”

Sirota, no slouch as an incendiary, opinionated writer, replied in kind.

In yesterday’s Huffington Post, Sirota leveled both barrels at Paige, characterizing everything he said as arising from the “eternal delusions of the right-wing mind.”

“Paige says Colorado Springs attracts new residents and economic growth ‘by actually putting America’s limited government ideals into practice.’ In this, he asks us to forget that one of the city’s biggest employers is the defense industry - that is, an industry that has absolutely nothing to do with ‘limited government’ and everything to do with the hugest of Huge Government. Whether you support this Huge Government or not - whether you think it is a good or bad thing - it’s size and centrality to the Colorado Springs economy is undeniable, as is its antithesis to the concept of ‘limited’ or small government. You don’t have to trust me, the guy who Paige calls a ’statist’ (do people even use that red-baiting McCarthy-esque word anymore?). You can look at the $700 billion annual defense budget.”

OK, you two - just shut up. You’re both wrong.

You both see this city as through the distorting lens of your particular and quirky ideologies, and make the facts fit your own preconceptions.

Sean: David’s right. We contributed to this mess by embracing Doug Bruce’s taxophobia. And those “best places” rankings are highly dubious. For example, are we really one of the most drunken cities in America, as a recent survey seemed to show? And is Boston the least drunk? Or are the rankings derived from dubious metrics? And yeah, we’re more dependent upon guv’mint payrolls than any city in America … except Washington, D.C.  Volunteerism is fine - but who’s gonna patch the potholes?  Not me.

David: Sean’s right. With all its faults, the city’s a great place to live, and despite our current travails, is likely to stay that way. You can rant all you want about our problems,but we’re very far from being the poster child for American urban dysfunction. And besides, we’re the city every journalist dreams of - a city run by newspaper guys!

Journalists are former city councilmembers, and city councilmembers are former journalists. And we know that Colorado Springs taxpayers have always wised up eventually. They may load the gun, cock it and aim at their foot - but they never quite squeeze the trigger. And you may think that Sean’s a crazed, delusional right-winger, but he’s changed.

He used to be a crazed, delusional right-wing journalist, but now he’s a respected, comparatively moderate community leader … a role model for you!

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 9th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: Colorado Springs, conservatives, David Sirota, Denver Post, Douglas Bruce, eternal delusions of the right-wing mind, Gazette, Huffington Post, liberals, Sean Paige

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So what if those picky lib’ruls at CNN and ABC took advantage of our transitory problems to make us a national laughingstock?  So what if those jealous, overpaid big-city reporters at the Denver Post pointed out a few minor imperfections?  So what if those snarky, aggressive uber-lib’ruls at Colorado Pols made fun of us, speculating that our present very minor, very insignificant dilemmas are “the consequences of anti-government ideology run amok.”

“You wanted to know what Grover Norquist meant by ‘drowning government in a bathtub?’” That’s the question that Pols posed.  Well yes, that would be us!  But just why is it such a bad idea to terminate all of these marginal government programs, such as parks, streetlights, museums and community  centers?

It all depends on how you spin it - and I have to say that the folks over public communications, aided and abetted by the pro-government lib’ruls at the G, or the Telegraph, or the Gazette - whatever they call themselves these days - have only presented one side of the story.

We ought to tell the world in no uncertain terms that these are strong, positive and forward-looking steps that ought to be emulated by every progressive municipality in the country!!

Consider streetlights, for example.

When was the last time you sat in your backyard on a clear summer night and gazed in awe at the Milky Way, at Orion’s Belt, at red Antares, or blazing Sirius?  Fess up -  you wouldn’t know Antares from Antarctica, because you’ve never seen it.  You have no idea what’s in the night sky, because glaring orange streetlights have blotted out the celestial firmament!  Other cities, in thrall to streetlight manufacturers and energy providers, may choose to flim-flam their residents by substituting glowing sodium vapor for God’s majestic creation, but not us!  And let the criminals worry about crime - do the words “night-vision scope” and “laser sight” mean anything to you, Mr. Burglar?  Our new motto: take back the night!

And so what if we’re not watering our parks!  Has occurred to all of you lib’rul global warming believing, sustainable economy supporting, native-fish preserving environmentalists that we live in an artificial oasis here in Colorado Springs?  We try to conserve water in a truly significant way, and you make fun of us.  I know, I know - our parks are going to deteriorate, and all of that Kentucky bluegrass that we never should have planted will dry up and blow away…but we’ve figured out how to solve that little problem.

We’re going with “The Code of the West.”  Remember all those movies and TV shows about the brave homesteaders fighting the evil ranchers and railroad tycoons, ruthless predators who didn’t care about their homespun American values?  In the movies, the little people won .. .but that’s not the way life works.

Only the strong survive.  And that’s why, if we want more water, or more electricity; we’ll just take it. How about sending a few thousand undocumented workers up to Dillon Reservoir, and building a pipeline to our reservoirs, and just taking all the water we need for our parks from those Denver lib’ruls?  They may not like it, but we’re the ones with Fort Carson and NORAD.  You think that Mayor Hickenpooper, or whatever his name is, will risk nuclear attack over a few thousand acre feet of water?  And the same thing goes for Xcel Energy - if we want some power, we’ll just take it!

So here’s the message to Colorado and the rest of the nation.  We’re not some broke, pathetic, delusional little burg in thrall to right-wing, anti-government crazies.  No sirree - we’re creating a new model for American municipalities.

Colorado Springs, the Warlord City, where it’s always darkest just before dawn … and where you can check out, but you can never leave - because you can’t see the street signs to find your way out.

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 3rd, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
Tags :: ABC, Antares, CNN, Colorado Pols, Denver, Denver Post, Fort Carson, Mayor Hickenlooper, Millky Way, Norad, Pueblo, Sirius, streetlights, Xcel Energy

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