Hazlehurst’s Blog
Insight and commentary from John Hazlehurst

City Council, Fellini, and Spinal Tap

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“It’s like a Fellini movie!” said a delighted caller yesterday evening.

I knew what he was talking about  - like me, he was taking a break from the Olympics to watch our intrepid city council members, as they wrestled feebly with issues so bizarre, so unseemly and so surreal that they seemed not just Fellini-esque, but otherworldly.

The once-stately, now tastelessly renovated council chambers, where generations of elected officials have done their best to solve the mundane problems of a small city in the West, are now no more than a stage set, where players in our own theater of the absurd strut their stuff.

SNL and Second City never had such a cast! Samuel Beckett never imagined goings-on so strange!

Shakespeare did.

“… Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”

The always good-humored Daniel Chacon from the Gazette was there, doomed to cover the meeting from start to finish.

I wondered what the sainted Mayor Bob Isaac would have made of such goings on. Marijuana dispensaries? Vast tent cities of the homeless? Douglas Bruce ranting incoherently for 50 minutes? Councilmembers hurling insults at each other? Sean Paige and Larry Small squaring off, ready to settle things outside (or so it seemed)?

Maybe it’s just as well that Mayor Bob didn’t live to see this doleful day. He would have been justifiably appalled.

Here are few suggestions for Council:

1. Limit speeches from the public to three minutes. Limit your own remarks from the podium to two minutes.

2. End meetings after four hours, and continue them the next day if necessary. These marathon sessions are not the pure expression of the democratic ideal, but perverse and eccentric, serving only a few bloviators on and off the podium.

3. Stop conducting, enabling and participating in such travesties. Don’t pretend that you’re innocent bystanders - your own learned helplessness has enabled the process.

4. Sean, don’t mess with Larry. He was a Golden Gloves boxer - he could probably still do some serious damage, if he got overly peeved.

If you were a band, you’d be booed off the stage. Take a hint from your crosstown rivals  - let’s call ‘em Denny & the Commissioners. They quietly dealt with the whole marijuana question in three days, without drama, without public fights between commissioners, without dragging John Suthers into the process, and without fanning public hysteria.

Yup, it’s a pretty tight group, even if, like Fleetwood Mac, there may be tensions between band members. Denny H. on drums, Wayne W. on bass, Jimmy B. on lead guitar, Sallie the lead vocalist, and Amy content (for now!) to sing backup vocals. They do a nice clean gig, and they know what audiences want … and that’s all you need from a local garage band.

And you guys? They made a movie about you - it’s called “This is Spinal Tap.” Check it out - aging, irrelevant, delusional metalheads who still think the world is waiting for them to lay down power chords. I can hardly wait for your upcoming world tour.

I’d be there, of course - but I got kicked out of the band years ago.

Posted by John Hazlehurst on February 24th, 2010 :: Filed under Blog
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Goodbye, Jerry

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The “great recession,” as pundits now refer to our ongoing economic woes, has had predictable consequences in our city.  We’ve seen businesses downsize or close, government revenues contract and neighbors pack up and move away.

But it was nevertheless surprising to hear Councilman Jerry Heimlicher announce that, five months after having been elected to a second full term, he’s resigning and returning to his Tennessee birthplace.

The reason?  He’s concerned that Ford might follow GM into bankruptcy.

Heimlicher worked for Ford for nearly 38 years, enjoyed substantial success and now receives a reasonably generous “executive pension.”  He anticipates that, should Ford file bankruptcy, his pension would be drastically slashed.

“I had a lot of friends at GM,” he told me, “and when I saw what was happening to them, Mary Margaret and I began to have conversations about our situation, and we decided to make changes before we might be forced to make them.”

That means selling their comfortable home, which is perched on the side of Cheyenne Mountain, and moving away. It means reducing expenses, and positioning themselves for an unknowable future.

“We’ll be going to our 50th high school reunion in Tennessee, where we both went to the same school,” Heimlicher saidd, “and it just feels right to take this step.”

At the council meeting when Heimlicher formally announced his decision, Vice Mayor Larry Small, who was presiding over the meeting in the absence of Mayor Lionel Rivera, thanked him for his service. 

Visibly moved, his voice cracking at times, Small noted that they had followed similar paths in their lives, culminating in their present posts on City Council.

Heimlicher was a model councilmember.  He was diligent, informed and responsive to his constituents.  A few years ago, when a blocked sewer main led to flooded basements and backed-up sewers in every house on my west side block, Heimlicher was our champion. 

Sweeping aside Colorado Springs Utilities’ absurd contention that it was somehow our fault that the main had blocked up, and that utilities bore no liability for the mess, he convinced his colleagues on council to change official policy, compensate us and compensate any future victims of such accidents.  He was there the night of the spill, talking to homeowners and getting the facts, as well as communicating with utilities officials and other members of council.

I know from experience that it’s easy to pontificate, and easy to get your name in the paper.  It’s not so easy to spend an evening dealing with angry homeowners and harried utilities workers. And it’s even more difficult to solve such a problem.

Jerry’s experience in business served him well.  He was used to solving problems, used to difficult situations and unafraid to take a stand, and defend it.

There will, I’m sure, be a couple of dozen applicants for his seat.  As Sen. Michael Bennet knows, it’s a lot easier to get one vote, or five votes, than to raise money, walk the precincts, work Rotary, Kiwanis and the Lions, and win an actual election.

Whoever is selected will inevitably be compared to Jerry.

He or she should be prepared to be found lacking. There’s an old story, attributed to a now-obscure rhythm and blues performer who, during a concert, followed  Bo Diddley on stage.

“Man,” he said, “that Bo just goes out there, and digs a hole so deep on the stage, that you go out and just fall in it — and nobody even notices that you’re there.”

So long, Jerry — we’ll miss you.

 

 

Posted by John Hazlehurst on September 10th, 2009 :: Filed under Blog
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Groucho, Karl and the USOC

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“History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.”- Karl Marx

Last week, councilmember Jerry Heimlicher vowed loudly and publicly that, joined by a majority of his colleagues, he would insist that council be updated on the USOC deal in open session.

That didn’t happen. 

Yesterday during the informal City Council meeting, avisibly chastened Heimlicher made only fleeting reference to his former devotion to the public’s right to know,  saying that “the press has reported that we’re within days of a new EDA (economic development agreement), and we promised the public that it wouldn’t be done behind closed doors.”

Assistant city manager Mike Anderson, who introduced himself as “assistant city attorney Mike Anderson,” gave a brief presentation on the progress of the deal.

A grim-faced Anderson characterized the negotiations as “complex,” involving as many as 13 lawyers representing the interests of the city, LandCo, and the USOC.  He noted that the USOC had not yet “staffed this to their board,” and that, since the organization’s board members are dispersed throughout the country, meetings are more difficult to plan than those of city council.

Mayor Rivera chimed in, saying that “I’ve been very cautious (about forecasting the date of a new EDA).  (But) the intention of Scott (Hente) and myself and Mike is to have a very public (process).”

Anderson finished his presentation by, in essence, saying that the “finalized agreement” would be brought to council for a public unveiling as soon as it was…well, agreed and finalized.

Councilmembers, having nothing of substance to talk about, then ruminated at length on what to call the document that they so yearn to see.  “Finalized agreement” sounded too much like a take it or leave it backroom deal-how about “finalized draft”?  Or maybe “coordinated draft?” 

Then, as if actors in Kabuki theater, councilmembers fell into long-practiced rituals, praising city staff, and condemning the evildoers of the media.

Vice mayor Larry Small sorrowfully sympathized with Mike Anderson.

“I see the anguish on your face,” he said, “and I hope when this is over you can go back to looking 20 years younger than your age.”

And councilmember Tom Gallagher’s often-tangled rhetoric reached new highs.

“So we need to mitigate the malcontents,” he said, referring to the ink-stained wretches of the fourth estate, “you ignore ‘em, they just grow and fester.”

“Growing and festering”- that’s us! 

Despite the happy talk, it seems clear that the proposed deal has hit some major snags.  If your mortgage broker tells you that your application is “very complex-but we’re making very good progress,” that means you’re not getting the loan.  If your attorney-or your assistant city manager-looks like death warmed over as he announces that 13 attorneys are working on your “very complex” business deal, you’d better hire a bankruptcy lawyer.

What’s holding up the deal?  We don’t know, but we can guess.

Holdup # 1: LandCo can’t perform according to the terms of the original EDA, but they can prevent a new deal from being done.  It’s simple: pay ‘em, and they’ll go away.

Holdup # 2: The original deal called for LandCo to give the USOC  16 million big ones.  LandCo can’t do it-but the USOC still wants the $-show us the money!!

Holdup # 3: The city is broke, and getting broker by the week.  The usual suspects-El Pomar, the state, local philanthropists aren’t stepping forward.  So where’s the money?

Holdup # 4:  The city doesn’t want anything in writing when it comes to the $16 million-no use getting those unmitigated malcontents all riled up!  The taxpayers just wouldn’t understand…but the USOC wants cash, or a firm commitment to provide the cash at a date certain.  Money talks, BS walks.

Actually, the deal’s simple.  Just find lots of money, and give everybody some!  That’s fine-but don’t ask the taxpayers.

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others” - Groucho Marx

 

  

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Groucho Marx

Posted by John Hazlehurst on July 14th, 2009 :: Filed under Blog
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No ‘poena’ in subpoena

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Last Friday, the Colorado Springs Independent Ethics Commission asked Central Bancorp CEO Ron Johnson to provide a list of all individuals whom he believes possess relevant information about the conflict of interest allegations that Johnson has made concerning Mayor Lionel Rivera.

In a reply dated June 19, consisting of 15 rambling pages of often-turgid prose, Johnson’s attorney, Lindsay Fischer, lists Rivera, LandCo CEO Ray Marshall, recused Ethics Commission member Jan Doran, Councilman Jerry Heimlicher, Vice Mayor Larry Small, Ward Berlin (an investor in a Marshall-controlled LLC), Jack Mason (as Mason Properties, an investor in a Marshall-related LLC), the board members of the Downtown Development Authority, “media persons” (including yours truly), the manager of the “local UBS office,” Jim Scherr (former head of the USOC), “Ms. (Stephanie) Streeter, the current head of the USOC,” Marshall attorney John Cook, and “any other person who does not come to mind at this time.”

Fischer notes that both Mason and Berlin are under “gag orders” arising from their agreement to confidential settlements of lawsuits involving Marshall, LandCo and certain LLCs. Because of these agreements, neither man could legally disclose any of the “relevant” information that Fischer believes they possess, absent a subpoena by the Ethics Commission.

The word “subpoena” has a certain awful gravity about it. Translated from the latin, the word means “under penalty.” One assumes that, if an entity has the power of subpoena, any failure to comply carries unpleasant consequences — like being jailed for contempt of court, or fined or hauled willy-nilly to the courthouse and forced to testify.

That might be true of a grand jury subpoena, or one from a court of appropriate jurisdiction.

But even a cursory reading of the ordinance establishing the Independent Ethics Commission reveals it to be a panel with neither bark nor bite.

The commission has “jurisdictional authority” only over members of City Council, city employees and appointees to various city boards and commissions. It can, in theory, require that persons belonging to any of those classes appear before the commission.

It can ask anyone else to appear, and can even issue subpoenas.

But here’s some “free legal advice”: If you don’t want to show up, don’t bother, subpoena or not.

That’s because there’s no “poena” in the subpoena. The ordinance prescribes no penalty for failure to appear. All the commission can do to scofflaws is to say “tut-tut, dear fellows — how terribly unsporting of you to decline our kind invitation!” The commission is a cat without claws, a pit bull without teeth, a rattlesnake without fangs.

It’s as if council passed an ordinance empowering the city to set speed limits, but neglected to include any penalties for speeding.

In that happy state, some of us would speed, some would slow down and some would obey the limits anyhow.

But in the event that the commission, in all of its august majesty, issues subpoenas, some recipients might be ready, even eager, to comply — while and others will politely (or impolitely) decline.

We’ll see — or, since the commission has decided to close its proceedings, maybe we won’t.

Our very own Star Chamber — albeit one which is utterly powerless.

And by the way, don’t interpret my ramblings as legal advice. Don’t want to get subpoenaed for impersonating a lawyer …

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Posted by John Hazlehurst on June 25th, 2009 :: Filed under Blog
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